Spontaneous exercise

I love the idea of working out. I love reading books and glossy magazine articles about it and I enjoy watching an occasional workout video while sitting on the couch and smoking my e-cigarette. I don't however enjoy getting around to working out. It's too complicated - gym fees, buying special workout clothes, finding the time. Working out at home isn't perfect either - I have to clear the space on the floor, get a yoga mat, oh, and get off the couch.

My problem with working out is that when, once upon a time, I found the motivation and the time to work out diligently at least every other day for a few months, I saw no immediate improvement. I am a big fan of instant gratification, so I dropped the actual workouts in favor of watching reruns of Saturday Night Live for the millionth time.

But as someone whose face is a timeshare for a second chin, I feel a strong need to actually exercise instead of just thinking about it. At this point, I feel immense guilt at the mere sight of my Jillian Michaels DVDs and dumbbells have been on my grocery list for at least the last four months.  What to do?

Until I become a full-fledged adult with a gym membership and a yoga mat that doesn’t just act as a dust collector in the closet, I’ve been battling my addiction to Chinese food with unintentional exercise. What is it? It’s exercise that doesn’t require preparation, props, special clothes, equipment or a time commitment. You can sneak it into your daily couch-sitting without psyching yourself out. 

Examples:

Scenario 1. You are in the kitchen. You are hungry and making yourself a lot of delicious food. You are waiting for the microwave/oven/stove to finish heating up your delicious food molecules. My typical behavior in this situation is to stare at the food, imagining how good it will taste, or poking it every few seconds (because that’s what a true chef does). Spontaneous exercise alert! I can lean against the sink with my hands and do some back pushups. I can do about fifty jumping jacks. I can do about two lunges or squats. Then I run out of breath and drink half a gallon of water until I’m not hungry anymore.

Scenario 2. You have put aside some precious free time to hang out with a friend or a significant other. My typical behavior here is to eat lunch/dinner and have a leisurely conversation. Spontaneous exercise alert! If the weather is nice, go hiking or for a walk in the park. The conversation will keep you from realizing that you are physically active. If the weather sucks, go shopping and try on a lot of clothes.

Scenario 3. You have to clean your home. My typical behavior is to do this chore as quickly as possible, as it is both boring and unpleasant. Spontaneous exercise alert! Put on really loud upbeat music and do a thorough job of cleaning. Vacuum that carpet until it’s spotless (use your core), carry that laundry basket high in your arms (engage your biceps), dust the high shelves (stretch, stretch, stretch), and don’t forget to stop cleaning during your favorite songs and just dance it up with your mop, like a slightly more confident Cinderella.

Bottom line - the realization that "alternative" methods of exercising exist is a shocking one. While I absolutely hate having to plan out a workout and feeling committed to it, I adore finding myself in the middle of a situation where a brisk walk or weight-lifting of a different kind (hello grocery baskets and extra three books to read in my purse) are an opportunity. It fits perfectly into the day without disturbing the flow. Sometimes that's the most important thing.